How to give a promise back

Sometimes unfulfilled longings are promises that we have made to others and to ourselves but were never able to meet. What if it was possible to return these promises to the persons we made them? Would we then be free to live our own lives?
 
30 years ago the 19-year-old Karina was sitting alone at one of the coffee tables in a big cafe, looking at the Kurfürstendamm in Berlin. I can still remember that moment, when she was looking forward to her forthcoming life. She was filled with joy in anticipation of the coming adventures and a great career as . . . well, she didn't know anything about that at this moment, but she was sure that she would have a great and glamorous career.

Are Americans Superficial?

Many Germans distrust American cordiality because this behavior awakens in us expectations that are often not fulfilled. But does it really have anything to do with superficiality? Is it not rather a cultural misunderstanding?

I met my first Americans when I was a teenager. Every weekend my girlfriend and I went to an Irish Pub and flirted with American soldiers. We loved the "Amis" because they were always willing to buy our drinks (as opposed to German men). I had already heard that Americans were supposed to be ignorant and superficial. But, honestly, back then I couldn't actually have an opinion about it because I, myself, was uneducated and pretty superficial.

What is Food Addiction?

The last few days I became aware of something: I often mention in my blog that I was very overweight a few years ago. Maybe I used, here and there, the words "food addiction." But I actually kind of avoided this topic in my blog until now. And yet it is to me a major priority to spread the word that food addiction really exists. This concern is even so important to me that I wrote a book about it (but it hasn’t been published yet).

So what is food addiction?

On the website of Overeaters Anonymous, there is a checklist which I find very helpful when someone is unsure whether he or she has simply poor eating habits or is really addicted to food.

Food addiction has many faces. Just like alcoholism, the symptoms are not the same for everyone. Some people can't stop eating once they have begun; others puke as soon as they put something in their mouth; and there are the ones who refuse to eat at all. But we all have one thing in common: an obsession with food. Whether we are over eaters, bulimic or anorexic - all of us are constantly busy with food mentally. We are always negotiating new rules with us about when and how much we should eat - just to break these rules over and over again. Then guilt and self-hatred become so strong that some are seriously contemplating suicide.

I'm almost 50 and my dream job is still not here

I always hoped that I would find my calling. I want to have a career that fulfills me and is a lot of fun. Maybe I've finally figured out what my real vocation is: to learn new things.

I already knew at the age of five what I wanted to be: a vet. Throughout my whole childhood, animal posters adorned the walls of my room and I subscribed to magazines like "The Animal Lover" in order to keep me informed. No detail of wildlife was too banal for me, whether it was about the mating behavior of some exotic spider or the diet of orangutans. I wanted to know everything because I knew that my life was mapped out for me. I would heal large and small animals for the rest of my life.

But when I was 14 I developed strange allergies. I constantly coughed and wheezed, my eyes itched, and at night I could barely breathe. One night I had to be rushed to the hospital because I had blue lips due to sheer shortness of breath. It turned out that I had allergic asthma.

But that was not the worst for me. The worst was they found out that I had allergies. Unfortunately, it turned out that I was allergic to just about anything: to dust, pollen (early, middle, and late flowering), pomaceous fruit, nuts, and . . . to animals.

Thank God I'm Still Fat

Who would we be if we had no problems anymore? What would we think and talk about? How would we fill our time? A few years ago I became aware that I allowed my problems to define me. And the prospect of having no problems anymore made me afraid.

I vividly remember that day more than 20 years ago. I just went along the street to my apartment. An hour earlier I had signed my very first proper work contract, with the promise of training as a bookseller in the following year. I was in my late 20s and had FINALLY, FINALLY, managed to pursue a professional direction. I couldn't have been happier in that moment.

But when I approached my house, I slowed down and got more thoughtful. My joy was reduced with every step because I became aware of something. So many years I had three problems that appeared to me enormous and insurmountable. First, I was overweight and my weight increased continuously; second, I had been single for ages; and third, since I left school I didn't know what I wanted to do for a living and had therefore neither a job nor any useful training (I don't count my time at the university because it never let into a career).

My third problem was thus solved, and when I realized this I stopped on the sidewalk. This mega problem was actually solved. I no longer had to feel guilty and shabby because I had no profession. I had no reason to experience periods of depression, become self-reproachful, constantly buy new books on the subject, or go into therapy. But instead of relief I felt something completely different.

I heard myself seriously ask "Now what? I actually got rid of this existential problem. But what's left of me?" Feelings of emptiness and fear grew in me.

And then came the answer: "Thank God I'm still fat!"

The Challenges of Being a Foreigner

There are so many challenges for a foreigner living in a strange country and culture. For me, one of the biggest challenges is to find American friends.

I live on the East Coast of the United States, in the State of Maine, located adjacent to Canada. The crime rate here is the lowest in the US and people recycle their trash. I like the Mainers. They are friendly but also keep their distance. That means that people usually leave you alone but also like to have nice little chats with strangers in cafés and stores. Whenever someone needs help, strong men show up (not only when women are in need of help). Almost every man opens the door for the woman in his company and helps her into her coat. My husband always comes out of the house in order to help me schlep my shopping bags from the car into the house.

From my first day in my new home I felt very comfortable with the Mainers. But for other Americans Mainers are known as cold, distant and quirky. I couldn’t understand that until I talked to a few Southerners who told me how different they deal with each other in their home states. Their people, apparently, are even more open-much more. A Southerner probably feels in Maine like an Italian feels in Hamburg. For me Mainers are perfect. I feel comfortable here. It couldn’t be better.

And yet, until now, I can only call one American woman my girlfriend.

Faith Moves Mountains

Sometimes I'm afraid. I look at my salary and wonder how to get along when I am old without ever having saved money for retirement. Whenever I think that I could lose my job here in the US my throat feels tight because I would lose my health insurance, too. My worries grow when I imagine all the horrible scenarios that could happen. But I believe in the power of self-fulfilling prophecy, especially when it`s about fears. That's why I'm always looking for ways to replace my fears with trust.

When I worry I am usually worried about money. As long as I lived in Germany I didn`t think much about that topic. I felt quite safe. As a bookseller and then as a secretary I surely didn`t earn very much, but it was enough for everything I needed. I knew that my retirement money wouldn`t be much, but that didn`t bother me. I would indeed be poor, but even then I would somehow get by because the German system would take care of my basic needs.

Multiple Personalities

Are people with the multiple personality disorder proof of men's ability to shape the body only by thoughts? And how come that I can't do it, too?

I haven't met people with multiple personalities yet (I guess that people with schizophrenia or bipolar disorders don't count, though it sometimes feels as if these people host completely different personalities, too). I know this disease only from thrillers where imaginative authors used the drama of these poor people to their stories' advantage.

I'm reading a book that focuses on the healing of poor eyesight. In it, people with multiple personality disorders are used as an example of the fact that the different personalities that share the same body can also have different visual acuities.

Mind Over Matter: Can You Get a Seat in Business Class Just by Thinking About It?

Our thoughts create reality. I know that but I keep forgetting it. But if I remember that, I have an astonishing ability to change circumstances.

There is a simple little trick to inwardly prepare for unpleasant situations because sometimes we think we can't avoid those situations. Maybe you think that it is your duty to regularly meet your family even though some of them are often very crabby. Or maybe you are willing to suffer from back pain on long intercontinental flights because you know that without these trips you wouldn't be able to see new countries. Or maybe you are afraid of tests but since they are very important for your career you are willing to take them anyway.

These are all situations that are uncomfortable for us but often we decide to go through them anyway because they are important to us. But how can we make these kinds of situations easier?

What My Big Buttocks Can Reveal about Me

Our body is often only a reflection and not the cause of the feelings that we experience. My weight was a perfect symbol of all my feelings I carried with me since early childhood. I always had the impression that I was somehow wrong and I never felt I was part of something. I was always isolated. The more I struggled to fit in, the heavier I became. It was only when I began to tackle my inner conflicts directly and solve them, instead of making myself "fit" through diets, that I found a way to permanently lose weight.

The Misogynist Milk Drinker

In my day job, I work with a guy who often used the Half & Half and then complained as soon as it was empty (instead of replacing the empty box with a new one). Every time he did that I got upset. Actually, just thinking about it made me upset. But the funny thing is that others in my office didn’t seem to be bothered by his behavior at all. It was just me.

In  my last post I wrote about how my judgmental thinking causes all my emotions and how changing my thinking can change my feelings. That's why I took a close look at my thoughts about this colleague of mine. I noticed that there was a lot of negative thinking involved. His behavior bothered me because I thought that he is lazy and is lacking any respect for women. The way I understood his behavior was that he seemed to expect that the women in the office were supposed to fill the fridge with fresh Half & Half.

Not a trick question: What differentiates a squirrel from a seagull?

My answer: It depends on how we look at it.

On December 1st, 2014, it was unusually warm after we had a big snowstorm with very cold temperatures the week before. I took my lunch out and sat for half an hour outside on a bench. One of these large but extremely cute gray North American squirrels came up to me. It clearly hoped to get some food from me. It circled me once and then jumped on my bench and sniffed my pocketbook extensively. I was blown away. This animal looked soooooo cute with its bushy tail, little nose, tiny beady eyes, and his funny way of moving, half walking and half hopping. SIMPLY ADORABLE, I thought. And besides, it had been a long time since a squirrel had been so close to me. You see them here everywhere, but they are almost always very shy. However, this one wasn`t.

What are YOUR feelings bringing into your life?

Your thoughts and feelings attract things and events that fit to them. If you are worried, that feeling will invite situations that make you even more worried. But if you manage to stay calm and serene, these feelings will attract things that conform with these feelings.

What happens if I react to a crisis with poise and confidence?

Do you hate exercising? Then don't do it!

Everything in my life boils down to how I feel. If I feel good, I am full of optimism, energy, and ideas. If I feel sad, frustrated, alone, inferior, etc., the opposite is the case. It's logical, isn't it? That is the reason why I am so interested in finding methods (and then actually applying them) that help me to get over my lows. But I also want to make sure that I get rid of the thought patterns that made me feel so bad in the first place.

And that is exactly the reason why I do not exercise anymore.

What is my real age?

Two weeks ago, early in the morning, I stood in semi-darkness in front of our bedroom mirror and got dressed. I saw my face in the reflection and was surprised about what I noticed. I immediately went to Andrew who was in the bathroom and asked if he noticed how tired and old I looked this morning. I was wondering out loud if an oncoming cold was the reason for my tired looking face.

Andrew stared at me aghast. By the look on his face I could tell that he did not find that I had changed. I came to the conclusion that I had apparently reached the age where a woman might look old and tired in the morning.

Interesting, I thought, and how nice that I didn't care much. For I look now, in my 40s, much better than I did in my mid-twenties. At least I think so. Although I had no wrinkles in my twenties, I was already very overweight, which got even worse later on.