There is a simple little trick to inwardly prepare for unpleasant situations because sometimes we think we can't avoid those situations. Maybe you think that it is your duty to regularly meet your family even though some of them are often very crabby. Or maybe you are willing to suffer from back pain on long intercontinental flights because you know that without these trips you wouldn't be able to see new countries. Or maybe you are afraid of tests but since they are very important for your career you are willing to take them anyway.
These are all situations that are uncomfortable for us but often we decide to go through them anyway because they are important to us. But how can we make these kinds of situations easier?
By changing our feelings.
Our feelings in such situations are usually responsible for making it difficult for us. Feelings like fear, insecurity, or discomfort ensure that we cannot objectively evaluate a situation and perhaps even exaggerate the drama. Our emotions affect our behavior and thus influence the situation in a manner which can then lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Often such feelings are caused by old thought patterns that accompany us for ages and are retriggered repeatedly in certain situations.
There are many ways to change our feelings about certain people or situations: therapies, self-help groups, long conversations with good friends, or working through self-help books are a few of them. But for the small and everyday situations of life, there is a much simpler and faster method.
When you think of the future event, think of the following question: "Wouldn't it be nice if..." and picture how you would like to FEEL in that particular situation. If you want you can think of as many details as possible. Imagine how the other person should behave or in what way the circumstances should be different. But these details aren't so important. The only thing that is important here is that you feel in advance exactly how you would like to feel in the particular situation.
I fly twice a year between Germany and the US. Of course I sit in economy class and always suffer on the long-haul flights. The flights between Europe and Boston take between six and seven hours. Usually I feel back pain after a half hour because the backrest of the seat is never comfortable for me. After two hours, my knees hurt because they are pressed against the front seat and need desperately to be moved. My shoulders and neck always hurt as soon as I fall asleep. And the seats are so tight. I am normal sized but these seats seem to be made only for petite Asians.
Last year I discovered this little exercise and tried it. In the two weeks before my trip to Germany I shooed away all anxious thoughts of back pain, tightness, and discomfort. Instead, I thought about how nice it would be to be able to fly business class. Wouldn't it be nice if I could stretch out completely and had plenty of room? Wouldn't it be nice if I could completely relax and fall asleep and wake up totally refreshed upon my arrival? Wouldn't it be nice if I could enjoy the luxury around me? Wouldn't it be nice if the seat would be perfectly shaped for my back and I could sit comfortably?
I pictured this situation over and over again (and to be honest, I was hoping that some kind of fate would get me a seat in business class - for free of course). I fantasized about this situation so that I could feel the relaxation and the generous space around me in advance. I felt free and completely at ease.
I was looking forward to the real flight. Unfortunately, I was not assigned a place in the business class. I had to sit in economy class again. But this flight was the best and most comfortable I've ever had. I found that the chairs were much bigger than expected and I had enough room for my legs. When I arrived in Europe I was surprised that I still had no back pain. I was sure that the plane I was flying with was a new type of aircraft. There was a lot more room for passengers than usual in economy class. Although I had not gotten a seat in business class I found that my little experiment was successful. My flight was as comfortable as I had imagined in the previous weeks.
Once the plane landed and all the passengers were getting ready for the exit, the man in front of me turned around and talked to my left seatmate. Both complained about how terrible the flight had been. They were in complete agreement about the fact that they had never sat in such small seats with as little legroom. And the seat’s back, they agreed, was really terrible. They both were sure that they had never before flown on such an uncomfortable plane.
Both were medium-size and slender men, not taller or heavier than me.
Our thoughts and feelings create our reality. Always. Why don't we use this rule for our benefit?
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Find this article also in German - Ab jetzt nur noch Business Class! - Die deutsche Version dieses Artikels
Find this article also in German - Ab jetzt nur noch Business Class! - Die deutsche Version dieses Artikels
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