Are Americans Superficial?

Many Germans distrust American cordiality because this behavior awakens in us expectations that are often not fulfilled. But does it really have anything to do with superficiality? Is it not rather a cultural misunderstanding?

I met my first Americans when I was a teenager. Every weekend my girlfriend and I went to an Irish Pub and flirted with American soldiers. We loved the "Amis" because they were always willing to buy our drinks (as opposed to German men). I had already heard that Americans were supposed to be ignorant and superficial. But, honestly, back then I couldn't actually have an opinion about it because I, myself, was uneducated and pretty superficial.

But there was one experience that was formative for me. After Andrew, whom I had met in the aforementioned Irish Pub, went back to America (without taking me with him), I tried to keep in touch with his friends in Berlin. An attempt that failed miserably, as it became clear that I apparently did not belong to this circle of friends anymore. To them I was only an appendage to Andrew.

That was a shock for me because for 18 months we all had spent a great time together. I never would have thought that the cordial and warm behavior of the Americans was not a sign of a sincere bond of friendship.

But as painful this experience may have been at that time, I also knew that this probably had nothing to do with superficiality. I understood that there were cultural differences I just didn’t understand.

Today I live in the US and just came in touch with this prejudice again. But, surprisingly, this time it came from an American, Andrew, who said that about himself and his countrymen.

I told him yesterday how strange it is that it's so difficult for me to find American girlfriends. I often meet women whom I like a lot and who seem to like me, too. Whenever I randomly meet one of those women (I live in a small town), they tell me excitedly that we REALLY have to meet VERY SOON. Encouraged by their enthusiasm I call them later several times, invite them to a party, or write emails, but somehow never manage to meet them again. They always seem to be SO HAPPY to hear from me but never find the time to see me again. Of course, I give up after a few times, but when I meet them by chance again their joy to see me convinces me that I just have to try harder.

 I tried to become friends with one of these women for nearly three years (see my post "Am I a stalker?"). In these three years we met twice for coffee and once for a walk. A confusing experience and a quite meager one for someone like me who was used to meet her friends regularly in Germany.

Whenever I see these women, I seem to misunderstand their behavior. To me it looks as if they can't wait to see me again. And if we aren't able to find time to meet their excuses are so good that I don't take it as a rejection.

And now Andrew says, "We Americans are just shallow and superficial" when I told him about my frustration. I was flabbergasted. How could he say that?

He explained then that he meets at least one person every day, and they promise each other excitedly that they would have to meet each other soon again. And then they would never do that and they are all happy with it.

Well, I find it obviously still hard to understand these differences fully. I know now that when an American asks how I'm doing, he actually says, "Hello" and has no real interest in my well-being. And now I must somehow get into my system that if someone tells me here warmly and insistently that we ABSOLUTELY MUST SEE EACH OTHER SOON that she really only means to say "hello" and probably "good bye". According to Andrew, such exuberant behavior is just a mere polite formality.

I still do not think that has anything to do with superficiality. But maybe it is understandable now that some people might come to this conclusion.

 ---------------------------------------------------------
Find this article also in German - Sind Amerikaner wirklich oberflächlich? - Die deutsche Version dieses Artikels