When I worry I am usually worried about money. As long as I lived in Germany I didn`t think much about that topic. I felt quite safe. As a bookseller and then as a secretary I surely didn`t earn very much, but it was enough for everything I needed. I knew that my retirement money wouldn`t be much, but that didn`t bother me. I would indeed be poor, but even then I would somehow get by because the German system would take care of my basic needs.
This serenity vanished on the day when I decided to move to the USA to Andrew. The social system in the US is not quite as comfortable as in Germany. At night I often couldn`t sleep because I had no idea how to find a job with benefits and how to save for my retirement. After all, I was already over 40 when I decided to move to the United States.
After a while I realized that I somehow had to learn to deal with my anxiety. Otherwise there was a good chance that I would never dare to move to Andrew out of sheer fear. And that would have been terrible! Andrew was and is the love of my life and I wanted to give our relationship a chance.
At this time I had already developed the habit of taking at least 15 minutes of "quiet time" twice a day in which I tried to meditate. One day during this "quiet time," when I worried a lot again, I wished that there would be someone, anyone, who could guarantee me that all would be well.
My inner Finance Minister
So, while I tried to suppress my fear in order to get at least a little peace and quiet into my head, an elderly woman appeared in front of my inner eyes - quite unspectacular and not at all mystical. She was clearly a product of my imagination. But without consciously making an effort to imagine this, I saw how she took my hands in both of hers and smiled at me warmly. And she said, "Everything will be OK. Do not worry, Karina, because everything will be even better than you can imagine at the moment."
And I believed her!
This was the birth of my inner Finance Minister. But what was really great was that I actually believed this inner person, at least for the duration of our "contact." And, surprisingly, she never left me again. At first I used to call her in my quiet time, later, whenever I needed her soothing optimism.
I kept worrying but whenever I felt that these concerns were too strong, I imagined my inner Finance Minister. It worked every time. The contact with her calmed me down and gave me confidence, which, in my opinion, wasn`t based on realistic and concrete facts. After a few weeks I realized that I generally worried less and looked with greater confidence at my future in the United States.
But that's only part of the story.
I attract into my life what I believe in.
On one hand the imagination of my inner Finance Minister has greatly helped me to pursue my goal without having to constantly fight against my fears. On the other hand, I also know that I attract what I believe in. That was yet another reason why I was so upset about my fears. I knew that if I live in fear, I would attract exactly what I was so afraid of.
Because of my inner Finance Minister I learned to have confidence in my future. I even learned to believe that my material life in the United States would be better than I could imagine.
And so it happened.
At 45 I moved and shortly after receiving my work permit I got two really good job offers, and had to decide between the two. After three years I'm still working for the same company. I never thought that I could feel so relaxed and happy in my first job in the United States. This company gives me more vacation than I thought would be possible. That's why I can visit Germany twice a year (usually Americans have only two weeks of vacation a year;I have four).
Sometimes there is a quiet inner voice that tells me that it is dangerous not to worry. That voice is convinced that my worries protect me so I can take better care of myself.
That may be right for others. But I’ve had the experience that fear paralyzes me. When I'm scared, I do nothing, because I am busy being scared. I am unable to make decisions for fear that it might be the wrong one.
But as soon as I live with confidence, I behave differently. I am open and flexible. I have ideas and I have courage and - this is the best of it - I get lucky. Fate always seems to be playing into my hands.
All I have to do is to remember what difference these two emotions make in my life. And then I feel her again: My inner Finance Minister.
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Find this article also in German - Der Glaube versetzt Berge - Die deutsche Version dieses Artikels
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